I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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