I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
birth control should be required to get into college
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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