I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
