Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
