Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
