What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
