I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
