i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
