I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
