So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize