I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
