Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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