the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
my shit smells like andre
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
