The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Randomize
