I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
