i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
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