Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Come share oat with me in your robe
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
