I don't usually arrange sex via text message
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
