Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
