Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
