Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
