Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
