nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
