The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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