i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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