soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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