she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
