Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
