This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
