Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
