So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
