i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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