it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
He felt like a one man threesome
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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