Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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