Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
