You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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