i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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