its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
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