She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
