Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
