I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
