I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize