He kissed a someone with a penis
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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