I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
