Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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