how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
