is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
