your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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