Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
