Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
