i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
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