Me. At least after what I've been through.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
