I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize