Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
