omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Randomize
