I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
