Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
She's like a pop up book from hell.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
