I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize