worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
