Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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