i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
