On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
