My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
