So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
