i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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