I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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